Earlier I read an article titled ‘99 Things You Learn As A Single In Your 20s‘. The first paragraph reads “Despite what many people think, your twenties are honestly the perfect time to be single. These are the years you are growing into your own person, adjusting to the new world of adulthood and being exposed to things you never have been exposed to before.” Followed by “(you are) exploring new cities, interacting with all different types of people — all while gaining new experiences”
I read this and thought, wait a second, I’m in my 20s, I’m in a long term relationship and I do all those things, with and without my boyfriend and completely monogamously. Many of the points in this article I do actually agree with and if you are in your 20s and single then I also agree, it’s probably the best time to be so. However if you do fall in love and find someone who feels completely and perfectly right for you, as I have, then I don’t believe anyone would prefer being single over that. Although with that sentence I must quote point 41 in the article ‘Not every relationship you get involved in is going to be “the relationship”’. I couldn’t agree with this point more and it is exactly why it helps not to rush your relationship and the reason it is good to still allow yourself the fun and independence whilst you are young.
I aim this post mainly at those in their teens/early 20s, mostly because I don’t purport to be a wise owl and as I have not yet lived beyond my years I don’t believe I am in a situation to give relationship advice to older generations. However anyone may feel free to read these points and draw what they may from it and of course everyone is subject to their own opinions, these are just my own.
7 Reasons to not rush a relationship…
1. Life is short
Exactly! Have fun, see friends, party, go on dates together, go on holidays together, plan adventures, explore the world!
2.Life is also long
On the contrary to the last point, life is also quite long if health and circumstances permit. If you plan on being with someone for the rest of your hopefully long days, then what’s the rush? You can do everything you want to do together, take your time and enjoy every moment.
3. They might not be ‘the one’
Some people say ‘when you know, you just know’, others say ‘there’s no such thing as ‘the one’, we fall in love with who we fall in love with’. Either way, I think until you know someone fully and have fully accepted all of their flaws and everything about them, then there is always the chance that someone new can come along and take your fancy. It takes time to get to know someone fully. Enjoy getting to know each other and take time with it. Get to fully understand and appreciate each other. Over time you may realize that you aren’t fully right for one another but if you haven’t rushed into anything, then no big deal, you can go your separate ways. On the other hand, you may find that you’ve found your soul mate.
4. Keeping things to look forward to
It’s exciting making future plans together and really understanding what you both want out of life. The less things you rush early on in your relationship the more things you have to look forward to together. Don’t be the kid who ate all the sweets on a Monday and had no treats to look forward to for the rest of the week.
5. So you can be your own person
Being in a relationship is about being a team but when you’re young it is also important that you have your own experiences and develop and grown as your own person. Before you’re married, have kids and a mortgage together, these are the times when you can still go off and have your own adventures. Obviously some couples are fortunate to be able to still do all that stuff whilst having the marital and financial commitments. But for most of us who aren’t as financially free, it becomes a lot harder to do the stuff we want for ourselves once we are tied down fully.
6. Because circumstances change
Sometimes circumstances can bring you together and when those circumstances change it can pull you apart. Obviously these changes also have the chance to make you stronger as a couple but over time you’ll be able to to see how you both adapt with these differences and changes before entering into any big commitments.
7. Because you/people change
We’ve all heard the line ‘it’s not you it’s me’ and sometimes we change and realize the person we’ve been with is no longer right for us anymore. It can also be that they change and you no longer like the person they have become. Inevitably you will both change and develop as people as you grow older. Sometimes it can just be, through no fault of each other’s, that you want different things in life. Other times you can both adapt, grow and change together but this is something that only time can tell.